In a recent article in the Atlantic, the writer, Derek Thompson, discusses the growing phenomena (though some might prefer epidemic) of social disconnection (1). Thompson distinguishes between loneliness, which he defines primarily as missing connection with others, from a more anti-social outlook which reflects a disinterest or lack of energy or motivation to connect with others (not a more traditional definition which focuses a disregard for social norms and a lack of concern for the welfare of others).
On a clinical level I have seen clients who are lonely, seeking connection with others, as well as those who seem more disinterested in forging these connections. The latter group in many ways is more challenging in that they may voice concerns about not interacting with others (or only interacting with a few others such as people at work and extended family members), but their level of motivation to seek and develop more relationships appears lacking. My clinical experience, which clearly only offers an anecdotal view, lines up with the data that indicates that it is young men (members of gen-z) who are the most socially isolated and disconnected (1,2). Several clients I have worked with voiced an interest in dating, noting that they had never really had a relationship of any significance, but when I attempted to help these clients develop ideas and strategies for pursuing dating they quickly lost interest, asserting that they wanted to take a break from this and/or that this was not really something they was feeling motivated to pursue. Other clients have shown even less interest in pursuing relationships (romantic or friendships) and have identified how they are “content” with their situation.
From a broader social perspective I share the experts’ concerns that this type of social isolation and disconnection is not healthy, for the individuals who are living in these ways, as well as for our broader society. Thompson, in his 2025 article, posits that this anti-social lifestyle can lead to greater political extremism as people are not connected to others and what connections they have may be with those who share their viewpoints (particularly if their primary connection with others is online).
Thompson also posits that online activity may provide the “dopamine hits” that provide a substitute for actual connection with others. This might be analogous to the idea of empty calories, picture a donut with icing and sprinkles, satisfying feelings of hunger without any of the healthy benefits of nutritious food. The writer/blogger, Ted Gioia, has written on this idea as well. To summarize these writers’ thoughts, they argue that connecting with others or more likely, watching others on social media may both meet the immediate need to connect and tire/wear out the viewer, so that they are no longer motivated to pursue social connections in the “real” or offline world.
The solution: Putnam (4), Thompson, Murthy and others have offered a variety of solutions ranging from pushing oneself to make the effort to connect with others when it is available to the need for more social structures, e.g., community centers and other such facilities, that provide opportunities for people to gather and connect. Jonathan Haidt, in his recent book, “The Anxious Generation” has emphasized the pernicious and negative effects of social media and smartphones, particularly on teens and children. Haidt calls for parents and schools to set limits on social media use for teens and younger children. This call has begun to be picked up by politicians, as recent laws have focused on limiting phone use in schools. For example, there is a current push for limiting cell phone use and access in school, being spearheaded by Governor Pritzker. Haidt notes that the dilemma that parents face is that social media is also how teens connect with one another so community wide solutions are needed. A parent who limits their child, may end up with a child who does not connect with peers because the channels of communication are not available to them.
From a clinical perspective this issue poses many challenges. While concerned clinicians may share my view that we need to encourage and support our clients in working to connect with others, that unless this is a goal shared by our clients, it is difficult to address this issue. One option is to suggest clients “experiment” with significantly limiting their online activity and evaluating how this changes their lives and outlook. However, many people are likely to be resistant to this idea or even assert that this is how they connect. Clinicians may struggle between firmly believing what would be better for our clients with imposing our values and beliefs on our clients. However, there seems to be more than sufficient evidence to suggest that addressing the lack of social connectedness many of our clients report, is clearly better for their mental health and well-being (2).
From a developmental perspective the problem of social disconnection and an overreliance on technology is one that would benefit from being addressed at early stages of life. Specifically, parents should be supported and encouraged to set limits on and monitor social media use as well as video gaming and other online activities. Recent studies suggest that teens are spending a great deal of time online and on social media. Recent data suggests that this daily social media use is 4.5-5 hours daily (6). Moreover, this data suggests that greater social media use is associated with poorer mental health and there is evidence that finds lessening social media use improves self-reported mental health (7). From an anecdotal perspective, I have found that when I am able to help families set limits on social media use and online activities that parents report that their children seem happier and better behaved. In future blogs we will discuss further the challenge of limiting online activity for families.
In conclusion, promoting greater connectedness appears to be an important issue and one that many of our clients struggle with. Acknowledging the appeal of online activity in lieu of social activity is critical here. Dealing with people can be complicated, and at times stressful and anxiety provoking, but the rewards of forging real connections clearly outweigh social isolation and social disconnection.
References:
- Thompson, Derek, “The Anti-Social Century. The Atlantic, February 2025. https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2025/02/american-loneliness-personality-
politics/681091/ - The surgeon general’s report from 2023, “Our Epidemic of Social Isolation and Loneliness”:https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf
- Gioia, Ted, article from his Substack, on how social needs may be getting met through online connections. https://www.honest-broker.com/p/the-state-of-the-culture-2024.
- Note: Thompson raises a similar point in his article.
- Putnam, Robert, “Bowling Alone: The collapse and revival of the American Community,” (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2000).
- Also see his NYT interview: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/07/13/magazine/robert-putnam-interview.html?auth=login-google1tap&login=google1tap
- There are also multiple youtube videos and summaries of his work online as well.
- Haidt, Jonathan, “The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness.” Penguin Press, 2024.
- There are multiple summaries and youtube videos about this work online.
- Data provided by the American Psychological Association, from 2024: https://www.apa.org/monitor/2024/04/teen-social-use-mental-health
- A study of the impact of limiting social media use in undergraduate students: https://tmb.apaopen.org/pub/yvcb5y06/release/2