A man and woman holding hands while sitting on the ground.

6 Basic Principles for Successfully Working with Relationship Problems

Marriage & Relationships
  1. Couples cannot solve problems if partners are not treating each other civilly.
    • Research has consistently demonstrated that disrespect, sarcasm, indifference, and distain are extremely damaging (see the work of John Gottman, PhD.).
    • The first step in our work with couples is to help you create a respectful and civil environment in which you can begin to address your problems.
    • We help you focus on re-establishing civility and cooperation within your relationship so you will be able to more effectively solve your problems.
  2. Couples need to understand why they are struggling.
    • There are many causes/reasons that couples have problems. These range from difficulties coping with current life stresses or major life changes, to differences in needs/communication styles/expectations.
    • We know that no one explanation fits all couples. Our therapists work to help you pinpoint the reasons for your difficulties, and use this understanding to help you overcome your problems.
  3. Couples need clear direction and guidance.
    • If you could solve your own problems, you would have. Part of what makes solving relationship problems difficult is that it is hard to know what to do next.
    • Our therapists give you specific strategies you can use to solve your problems.
  4. Couples need help implementing and maintaining change.
    • Often what to do (to solve your problems) is clear, but how to do it and how to stick with it are not.
    • Our therapists help you stay on track while you work on new ways to communicate and solve problems.
    • We help you maintain your efforts to make changes, in the face of set backs or slips.
  5. Couples need therapists who respect their values
    • Our goal is not to change how you live but help you find ways that work better for you and your relationship.
    • We have a diverse group of therapists and will seek to match you with the therapist who is the best fit for you.
  6. Couples need hope and encouragement
    • At times it seems that things just cannot change, that problems cannot be fixed.
    • Our belief is that most problems can be solved.
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